You should have completed Chapter One of CHOIR BOY. (If you haven’t read the chapter, please go to the website now.)
In your comment, please let me know if the book holds your interest. Are the characters believable and do you care what happens to them?
NOTE: To leave a comment, click on the Comments link below. When the LEAVE A REPLY form opens, you must enter your email address in the MAIL form text field. Your comment will not appear on the blog until the blog administrator approves it.
The psychologist appears to be a loser and I feel no emphatic concern for him. This judgement was established in the beginning of the chapter after learning that he spent only three days looking for employment outside the prison.
There is not enough information about Charles to form an opinion about his character. However, it’s obvious that the key to his insanity lies in childhood abuse, horrors in Nam, or both.
I like the subtle aura of suspense you created regarding the loss of contact with Smitty. You’ve apparently set the stage for a subplot.
Two technical details:
1. Early on Rob left school to join the Army. A few pages laetr, he’s in the Marines.
2. When Charles first enters the room you write: “He’s crossed his legs, and the top one swung nervously.” The visual is Charles sitting as this gesture would be very difficult standing. Then, you direct him to be seated.
Overall, the first reading held my interest and I’m looking forward to learning more about Charles.
Bill Lewallen
I don’t have too much empathy for either character, although not much is known at this point about Charles. The psychiatrist seems to have too many problems and cannot come up with an answer for each. So why is he in this profession if he can’t solve his own problems? I definitely would like to know more about Charles and what crime he committed to be sent to this obvious high security facility.
Getting back to the blog feature after reading the text was somewhat confusing as I am not too literate when it comes to computers.
Also was a little confused about the material that should be entered in the reply section. I assume that “Mail” means your email address. And I assume “Website” refers to those individuals that have websites (not to be confused with email address.)
By the time 1051 Charles showed up, I knew Dr. Jim Mackay. “Prisoners are not the only lifers” set the tone to the tedious life of a psychiatrist at Malatesta Prison, his angst for his son who ran off and joined the army. Then along came the very innocent-looking 1051 Charles and saved his day. He’d have material for a book. The use of SESSIONS is a wonderful way for the story to unfold. We don’t know much about 1051 by the end of chapter one, but enough that I was hooked, and am looking forward for more. When he introduces the religious grandma, “she took me by the hand and led me to God,” you just knew something evil lurked.
Jim,
I’m not much of a literary “critic” … but I really like this idea of releasing the chapters individually online. Like Steve, I’m hooked and looking forward to Chapter Two. I felt a kind of back-burner sense of fear as I was reading — very compelling.
Keep up the great work, Jim!
Michael
The psychologist elicits the reader’s sympathy and makes one wonder whether he is really incompetent or not. I like the setup, and the beginning of the interview leaves one wanting to get on to the next chapter. An incredible amount of information about the doctor was presented in such a short space. Thought it was a good conflict situation presentation with the warden. One wants to feel sorry for the criminal since he seems so innocent and we really want to know what the terrible deed was. I assume it will be forthcoming in chapter two.
Mackay seems angry or disappointed [or needy] in his son, Rob. Why? He refers to his son as “gone.” If Rob is to be blamed for joining the army, then maybe some dialogue between father and son to show father’s diaspproval. If Rob is part of Mackay’s “failure,” [or guilt] and you intend to give Rob more of a character role, then you need to show us more of their relationship. You definitely don’t get the feeling that Mackay will be able to help Choirboy. He hardly seems able to help himself. I like the setting of this story. It is intriguing and you want to read more.
Don’t have an easy time getting through all this web stuff. Willings to work with it. Interested enough in the psychologist to continue.
I love the idea of posting chapters like this.
Thus far, the book holds my attention and I want to read more.
My only comment is the use of the “name” 1051 Charles. I understand what you are trying to accomplish though it seems odd to read. I think I am stuck on something at the bottom of page 6 in which the sentence starts: 1051s skin which seems a little odd and I think we need an apostrophe in there.
Not very comfortable with the father/son relationship. I have three sons and couldn’t relate to this interaction. I think the writing is quite good, but the beginning of the story seems a bit disjointed. The narrator (I’m not sure whether the Choir Boy is the portaganist) is a bit of a wimp. I think it a bit irrational that the guy only looked for work a totoal of three days before subjecting himself to a lifetime of torment. But then how does one judge a shrink?
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